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3. Ask More, {Chat|Converse|Discussion|Have a discussion|Conversation} Less



Back when I had really bad shyness, I would barely speak up and people would always call me quiet. If someone had told me back then that I should “talk less,” then I’d probably think they were crazy.

Here’s the truth: Shy people need tips for how to talk MORE, not less.

So where does this bad advice come from?

About 50 years ago, there was an explosion in popularity of books that taught “people skills.” The advice in these books is mostly common sense: Be a good listener, don’t criticize people, remember their name, smile more often, and so on.

And although this advice might be useful to some people, it was never meant to help shy people! This type of advice should be given to the rude loudmouth everyone finds annoying. Or maybe to the greasy salesperson who wants to make more money by pretending to be polite.

Shy people don’t need these tips because they already speak up too little and care too much about whether somebody else likes them. You need advice that will make you speak up more around people. You need to learn how to be less nervous and awkward around people. You need to learn how to build confidence and courage to get that social life, girlfriend or boyfriend you want.

What you DON’T NEED is “people skills advice” meant for people who don’t have shyness.

Now here’s another one…


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